Dating is hard. Like really hard. Nobody likes to go on dates. It’s terrifying. Sure, you probably have a crush on a boy and when he asks you out, it’s so exciting and you feel like you could break into song without anyone looking at you like you are crazy. But when it comes down to it, first dates are awful. Nerves are high. Sweat glands are producing more than usual. And suddenly all of the things you love about yourself become questionable. “Will he like the fact that going to bed at 9:30 is late for me?” “Will he think I’m crazy for having 1,258 pictures of my dog on my phone” It’s exhausting. And now Facebook has been thrown into the mix. As if dating wasn’t hard enough, here is how Facebook had to go and ruin it for everybody even more.
1. Girls become the Gretchen Wieners of the dating world. We know everything about everyone.
But seriously. We do. If we like a guy, the first thing a girl is going to do is Facebook stalk him. I’m sure guys will occasionally browse through their crush’s profile, but not like girls. We are experts. Facebook has transformed us into grade A stalkers. The minute we like a guy, we can tell you everything. From the trip he took last summer to what his mom looks like. Did I mention we know all of this is before a boy even asks us out? It’s bad. And I blame Facebook.
2. Who is this new girl and why does she keep ‘liking’ his posts?
When you do land a date, you go out to dinner, have some laughs, and generally it’s a good time. But then you get home and log into Facebook. Mistake #1. You check up on his page and see that some new girl is all over his profile. Who is she? How does he know her? Did he go on dates with her, too? Maybe she’s his sister. No, she’s too pretty to be his sister. It’s so annoying. I mean, if you are going to date other people that’s fine. I just don’t want it to be thrown into my face when it’s all over your Facebook. Granted, I was asking for it since I went looking for it. But if Facebook wasn’t a thing then we wouldn’t have this problem.
3. Why did he say he lost his phone and then update his status from ‘mobile’?
Again. Back to the creeper status. If a boy is going to say that he “lost” his phone, don’t believe him. And whatever you do, don’t go on his Facebook. Chances are he has updated his status, uploaded a picture, and has been Facebook chatting with a few other girls. Just let that one go, sweetie. Boys never lose their phone.
4. Who is he messaging?
There are so many ways for men and women to communicate with others secretively nowadays. I mean, you can even chat on Words With Friends for crying out loud and your significant other would never know. So naturally, a man’s inbox on Facebook is probably the most terrifying thing for a girl. Who is he messaging? Who is he talking to? Why can’t he just write on her wall? Thanks, Facebook, for giving people a new way to communicate secretly. Do we really need another way? No. We don’t.
5. As soon as he says his ex’s name, you are already searching for her under his friends list.
Before Facebook, when the ex’s name was brought up she was still a mystery. You could make her as ugly as you wanted and have no idea what she really looks like. Now you can search for her on Facebook and browse through her 2,000 pictures. Which brings me to point #6.
6. Here come the comparisons.
Thanks, Facebook for showing me that she is in fact really pretty. Ugh.